Only 185 days till Nummness! Are you ready for the wholesomeness?
Nummness Day (Dec 21) commemorates the arrival of Dr.
L. S. River, NummNumm, into the care of the Howse keepers. This
event marked the beginning of His recovery from the TKE
Experience), and was also the first step on His
evangelical journey, as chronicled in the
Nummline. The holiday coincides with
winter solstice in the Northern hemisphere.
Nummness is fun and edifying for the whole family,
primates and felines alike!
The central ornament of Nummness is the Nummness
Verdure, which may be any non-poisonous green plant that has reasonable
indoor survivability and is suitable for upholding baubles and
concealing more baubles. The Nummness Verdure represents the green eyes
of Dr. L. S. River, NummNumm. Vibrantly He gazed upon midwinter
Where possible, the Nummness Verdure should be watered
with snowballs of pure white (never grey, brown, yellow or any other
hue). As the snowballs melt into the soil and acquire beige edges, this
symbolizes the beige and white fur of Dr. L. S. River, NummNumm.
Suitable baubles for display on the Nummness Verdure
include pencils, yarn and effigies of little birds and woodland
creatures. Tinsel is strictly forbidden, as Dr. L. S. River, NummNumm,
once suffered from ingesting it.
Technology, appliances, apparel, reading materials,
comestibles and playing pieces are just some of the possible categories
of baubles to conceal beneath the Nummness Verdure. Dr. L. S. River,
NummNumm, found His lifestyle enriched by such items.
Early in the morning on Nummness Day, Nummist families
gather around the Nummness Verdure to shred some of the paper products
that primates have produced during the year. This symbolizes dynamics
akin to Joseph Schumpeter's "creative destruction". Optionally,
Schumpeter's work may be used in the ritual. Only shredding by hand or
paw, not by machine, is approved. High Priestess Plasma Tigerlily Zoya
finds electric shredders to be monstrous.
Believing one can sing is part of the primate condition,
for young and old alike. Thus, in an outreach effort of heroic
proportions, High Priestess Plasma Tigerlily Zoya has authorized the
composing of Nummness carols for the faithful to recite.
A New Age Classic is "Ding, Ding, Rattle,
Ching", evoking the merry din of cat bells pealing on crisp Nummness
morns. Click the musical score below to anoint your ears with this joyous
Succour an emerging tradition! See what you and yours can compose this Nummness season!
Cooking and Crafts!
An exquisite Nummness recipe, sampled
and perfected in 1997 by Dr. L. S. River himself, is Nummist
Food Cake! Learning to make it is fun and simple if you
are able and eager to follow instructions:
- Pick up your favourite brand of Nummist Food Cake
pre-mix from your favourite vendor. Some manufacturers may label Nummist
Food Cake as "angel food cake" for base commercial
reasons. A Nummist Food Cake by any other name smells just as
- Take the box home and follow the printed directions
(usually located on the back of the box). Do not dispose of the box until
you are done following the printed directions on it.
- Serve the Nummist Food Cake to primates and felines
in the household. Remember that immoderation leads to dullness. (i.e. Eat
limited amounts in order for the experience to stay positive.)
As for crafts, Dr. L. S. River was always an unabashed
enthusiast of needlework, especially around the Nummness season. He would
happily wile away the minutes by watching Janet Howse stitch up the
garments which lately had been shredded in pursuit of wander-lustful cats
in bare, wintry forests (for example).
You can sew any number of festive items for Nummness, and
your cat can watch you do so! Just remember to put safety first. Also,
please be sensitive to the fact that many felines, including High Priestess
Plasma Tigerlily Zoya, find electric sewing machines to be monstrous.
For an exciting and challenging needlework project this
Nummness, see if the imagery of Nummist Paradise
inspires any embroidery patterns for you!
The purpose of gamesomeness in the Nummness season is to
create an opportunity for every family member to win something while
contributing to the Nummist Cause. Some members of the family, especially
felines, might be reduced to hysterics in the process.
One popular Nummness game is the Great Snowshovel Race.
This chilly contest, played in pairs of one primate and one feline,
challenges each pair to clear the largest surface area of snow (or wet
sand, in roasty climes) while leaving no paw- or bootprints. This
serves the Nummist Cause because it encourages the maintenance of
year-round walking paths for felines.
A similar game, for indoors, is the Paltry Poultry Relay.
Primate-feline pairs relay platters of poultry between the kitchen and
dining room as many times as they can until dropping the poultry. To
count toward the contest's score, each relay must be completed in under
11 seconds. Writing exercise: How do you believe the
Paltry Poultry Relay serves the Nummist Cause?
Another game for primate-feline pairs is called Break the
Monotony. This game, which is played over several days, is won by the
pair for whom the hours slept by the feline, minus the hours slept by the
primate, are greatest. High Priestess Plasma Tigerlily Zoya, like Dr. L.
S. River before her, loves to break monotony (and much else) on long,
still winter nights.
Also deserving of mention is the primate-feline pair game
known as Eraser or Fish Sticks? Here, one randomly chosen member of one
randomly chosen pair decides whether to gnaw an eraser or to gnaw stale
fish sticks. All other competitors must do the same. The pair who gnaw the
longest, with no pause of over 11 seconds for either member, wins!
Note how Nummness games always have an educational
function, such as instilling appreciation of physics and time.
On Nummness Eve, Nummist families gather round the Nummness
Verdure to tell each other Nummness stories. Whether past, present or
future, every Nummness Day is special and deserves mention if anyone has
something to say about it.
The story of the first Nummness is one Nummness story of
which the Howse Keepers will never weary. During the blizzardly December of
1988, it so happened that Leo Lazy Lion (then the youngest ward of the
Howse Keepers) went astray. A fit of grief befell the household as its
members slowly forsook hope of recovering the beloved, wayward, paunchy cat.
A needy kitten, dubbed Little Sackville River, was adopted to fill the void.
Tender-hearted and needy as Little Sackville River was, His
presence alone was not enough to assuage the sorrow.
By the grace of an ensuing Nummness miracle, Leo Lazy Lion
resurfaced on the same street but in another house. As it would seem, the smell
of pork had lured him there and the taste of ham had kept him. Blessedly, Leo's
erstwhile hosts were moved to return him to his rightful place.
Tender-hearted and needy as Little Sackville River was, the
Howse Keepers wished Him to stay forever as Leo's housemate.
Only years later did the Howse Keepers recognize the role in
Numm's plan which Leo's wintry escapade had played. Many merry
Nummnesses—filled with the purrs of Dame Precious Puss-Puss Paws, Leo
Lazy Lion, Little Sackville River and Plasma Tigerlily Zoya—were to
follow from the events of that first Nummness season, 1988.
Merry Nummness, everybody, and may the New Year bring peace and
prosperity to the Nummist Cause!